Isaiah 58.

It's not really been a secret to everyone that I've had a hard time adjusting back to American life. Going from being in a tight group of nine with our every day focus being ministry and growth to being home in America where the every day life with my family is focused on getting through the day and ordering text books for my classes has not been really easy. I miss my team mates, I miss feeling useful, and I miss waking up every morning with the mind set of purpose.
Yesterday this was especially evident to me and I was really struggling with it throughout the day. I mean, don't get me wrong, yesterday was also a lot of fun and I'm not just wallowing in a pile of self pity. I went to see Toy Story 3 with Charis, Dave, and Bre and then went to Starbucks with them before making the my return to the youth group. We had a really good time just hanging out, drinking excessive amounts of caffeine, and talking about college since Dave and I are both moving in at our schools around the same time. My struggle yesterday was mostly internal.
Basically, by the time we hit youth and were going into the service, I was not in a happy emotional state. I felt very discontent and overwhelmed and all I really wanted to do was lay under a table and cry.

During worship I was really trying to hold it together, because I really didn't want to cry in front of the group on my first night back. We came to the last song, which was Revelation Song, and my mind immediately went back to the worship session my team had on one of our last days in Viile Tecii, when all of the sudden I very clearly saw a verse written in my mind, like it was on the inside of my eyelids.
"Isaiah 58". Okay.
The more I kept singing and not sitting down to read said verse, the darker and clearer the letters got, like they were being burnt into my eyes. The moment we took our seats, I pulled my Bible out and immediately turned to it, expecting that it would be something really relevant and mind blowing since I had seen it so clearly. Well, you know those little titles above the chapters? The one for Isaiah 58 was "True and False Fasting"
. . . what? Talk about irrelevant.
Determined that I was shown this chapter for a reason, I kept reading and wondering what I could actually learn from this. I had heard a plethora of stories about people being given seemingly irrelevant verses and chapters only to learn something from them after opening their mind to it. Then I hit verse 9-12.

"Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.' If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in."
- Isaiah 58:9-12

Hidden in the middle of this chapter on fasting, God showed me the answer I needed to my discontented state of mind. Just because I'm home doesn't mean the ministry mindset and way of life ends. Being home is just the next step and another form of it. There's no reason I can't wake up every morning at home with the same outlook we had on this trip. I should be constantly seeking ways to be selfless and reaching out to those around me, even when I'm flying solo without my team in person. But I'm never completely without them, because I know they are all only a phone call away and in some cases only 2 or 3 hour drives.
My life is a mission field, not just one month out of my summer.