Thailand, an update.

It’s update time. I’ve spent the evening trying to figure out what to blog about, when the obvious smacked me in the face: Thailand. I realized I never actually put into detail what I’m going to be doing or how support raising is going or even told anyone that I’ve been assigned an actual team. So here we go.

On June 3rd, I’ll be leaving the comfortable idea of my home, my kittens, and my freedom of spend the summer drinking the entire world’s supply of tea and read every book ever written and instead I’ll be spending two months in Thailand through Adventures In Missions. There I’ll join a team of (currently) seven other girls and after training camp, we’ll be headed overseas for two months to begin our ministry. We’ll specifically be working with past and present victims of sex trafficking, showing these women and girls that there is a God who loves them and that they are beautiful. Night after night these beautiful girls work the bars and are objectified by men who are just as lost as they are. My heart breaks for the girls trapped in this cycle of survival and lost hope.
Our trip is actually called “Human Trafficking: Thailand”. I don’t know that any of us on my team are ready to face what we’re about to walk into, but God has called each of us for a reason, and He’ll see us through it all.
A few facts about this trip taken straight from the trip information:

- Human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world.
The UN estimates that around 4 million people a year are now traded against their will to work in some form of slavery.
- As of 1993, there was an estimated 2 million prostitutes in Thailand. Prostitution is the largest commodity for the 450,000 Thai men who purchase prostitutes daily as well as for a large percentage of the 5.4 million tourists a year who arrive in Thailand for sex tours per year.
And those facts are 17 years old. So it can only have gotten worse.
 

For the trip I have to raise a total of $4,900. So far I have raised $1,390 and I’m so thankful to everyone who has given so this can happen. You guys are awesome, and I’m so sorry I haven’t had a chance to thank you personally yet, I’ve been super busy with exams and classes and basically just being a college student, but it is coming. 
Next month we’ll be having a fundraiser to help with the funds for the trip. We’re selling Brunswick Stew like we did for Romania ($7 a quart, so if you’re interested just let me know) and we’re talking about having a yard sale sometime after. 
You don’t have to buy stew or a secondhand sweater if you want to help out and donate though. You can donate (anonymously or not) through the website or by sending a check. http://adventures.org/give/donate.asp?giveto=partFund 
 

I’m going to be updating more often to keep everyone up to date on how the support is going and with new information as I receive it. We won’t know a lot about the details of our ministry until we are in country, but I will let you know what I know.
Thank you so much for all your support, both in prayer and financially. Please keep my team in your prayers as we all work to get our support raised and prepare mentally and spiritually for the trip. Pray for the people we’ll be ministering to and working with and for unity among our team as we come to know each other.
103 days until the adventure begins!

Because eventually we all have to come out of hiding. . .

It's funny how our first instinct when we mess up or do something wrong is to hide (or maybe it's only me. . .).  Secrets have a funny way of revealing themselves, so I don't know what makes us think there is a sane answer in hiding with our shame. We can't just stay hidden forever, burrowing in a dark corner and hoping that no one ever figures out how we messed it all up.
Basically, I screwed up. And I'm ready to come out of my dark little corner of hiding and admit that. 

I'm kind of human. Okay, maybe more than kind of. . . I'm INCREDIBLY human. Preparing yourself for a situation and actually being in a situation are two totally different things, and I sadly wasn't as prepared as I thought I was to handle temptation when it looked me in the face. Being at school and handling my work load and making new friends and experiencing new adventures all made church and God and everything I value seem so unimportant. They slowly but surely began to fall down on my priority list, and of course other things all only seem so much more appealing when the prospects of reputation and relations get thrown in. 
Don't get me wrong, I haven't done anything ridiculously wrong. I haven't compromised my morals or fried my brain out on drugs or dropped out of school to answer a call to the pole. I'm not going to lie to you though, I've been living very apathetically in my spiritual life and very much in the moment, going on what feels good instead of what I know I should be doing. Keeping with this honesty, it felt good for awhile. Actually, it was awesome. I was starting to see how I could be happy being like that forever. But every high has to end, and it comes in a crash, and that was when I realized how very much I lacked peace. 
By the time I realized this though, I was out a friendship, recovering from a two hour accountability talk with one of my dearest friends, and trying to hold together the remains of friendships damaged during my little escapade. I felt unworthy and disgusting, and I was this close to dropping out of the Thailand trip because of it. I thought that I had definitely and completely screwed up, and everything I had worked so hard for was gone. But that is the beauty of redemption. As my friend recommended (or more like strongly demanded) during our accountability talk, I sat down with my iPod and Bible and for the first time in awhile I had a serious, intimate moment with Jesus. As I sat down and prepared to be completely destroyed (in the most loving way possible, because He is pretty good at doing that), these words played on through my headphones,

My God is making new the wreckage of my heart

Your hand is reaching down to pull me from the dark

Your mercy reigns 

Your mercy covers me

Your grace sustains

Your grace is all I need. . .

I am worthy. I am loved. I am redeemed. I am washed in his blood and made new. 
I'm going to wrap this up by sharing with you something that my Romania teammate said the other day as we were talking about how we've both been struggling. I don't think I could have worded it better than he did. . 

"To think of all the times I've been ensnared and trapped by just crap in my life, but yet he doesn't lash out in anger or condemnation like I deserve. He washed me in His blood and welcomes me back like a prodigal son who just lost his way. Man, I'll never understand that kind of crazy, unmerited love," 

Me either, friend. Me either. But thank God we have it, regardless of our understanding.

Wrapping up the break.

I'm currently sitting in my bedroom floor, surrounded by boxes, piles of sheets, and sleeping kittens. Tomorrow my 3 and a half week winter break is over and I'm headed back to Greensboro to start my second semester of college. I'm a lot more optimistic about this coming semester, and I'm excited to get back to schedules and projects. I'm also incredibly excited to be back with my friends and into the usual shenanigans of laundry parties, onesie adventures, and Teen Mom nights.  

Until I have time to write an actual blog though, which is coming soon with a big update on my support raising for Thailand, I leave you with some pictures from break. 

 (^ Baby brother. We've spent the majority of break playing a lot of Xbox (I'm getting alright at FIFA and Halo 3.) and watching Lost and Arrested Development. I miss him when I'm not here.)

 (^ Good influence. I went as Ke$Ha to the youth group Christmas party [We were supposed to dress as celebrities or fictional characters])

(^ Oovoo party with Jenelle and Jess.)

One down, seven to go.

Last Tuesday, I took my last final and finished my first semester of college. Once there was a time when I hated college with all of my being. I swore I was in the wrong place and had to get through school to get started with the rest of my life. 
Things have changed. Quite a lot actually. 

In the past 4 months, I've learned a lot and really stretched myself out of my comfort zone. I've met some amazing people, cried under a tree and never lived it down, lead a project group, become known by all as the girl in the onesie, consumed a lot of caf pizza and waffles, survived living with a diva, found out what I really want to do with my life, got my nose pierced, rode in a taxi for the first time, have been around more needles and ink than ever before in my life, and become all around more confident. It's hard to remember what I did before I met my friends, and the idea of eating and studying alone or even being alone ever is a really foreign concept anymore. Basically, I went from being the girl that no one knew with the horrible roommate and lack of ambition to being the girl who runs around in a glow in the dark onesie and basically lives in the laundry room. 
I'm actually excited about next semester. After a long process of hitting brick walls, I finally got my room swapped and will be moving to the second floor of my building when I go back in January. I got reassigned to a room that is across the hall from one of my friends and I have heard fabulous things about my new roommate. My classes are going to be really interesting and I have a friend in one of them with me, so that is going to be an adventure. I changed my major from Interpreting to English, and I'm really excited about the things ahead of me now that I'm in a major I'm actually passionate about. I've gotten to a point where I really love school in all aspects, even when the work seems overwhelming. Outside of school, Thailand is getting closer and closer, and I really think it finally hit me how real this trip is. In just a few weeks I should be getting assigned to a blog for my team and getting my first glance at who my teammates are, and it's time to really pick it up with fund raising. I'm so excited to see what happens on this trip and see God work through my team as we minister to the people of Thailand and also to each other. 

One semester is down and there are seven more to go.
Let the adventure begin!

The Civil Wars.

If I could sing half as well as Joy Willams, I'd be a very happy camper.

Happy happy happy.

Things that make me happy:

a. Getting all the classes I wanted for spring 2011. I mean, I don't WANT to take math at 8am, but it works well in my schedule and could be much worse. 

b. http://www.uncgspartans.com/sports/msoc/2010-11/releases/2010111461oegj 

c. Blowing bubbles in chocolate milk.

d. Writing my first draft at 2am, believing it is the worst thing I've ever written, and then in peer review being told that it's really good. 

e. "I played disc golf this weekend. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically like walking through the park with purpose," 

f. Paper writing/laundry/registration parties (even if they involve stress over classes, making a schedule for the guy who didn't make it already, having my pixie sized feet mocked, and all that jazz). 

g. Having 200 days until Thailand. Ah!  

The peace to thrive.

So that crappy week I was having? Some of it resolved. My keys turned up, I got to spend time at home with my family and my kittens, I had some really awesome worship time at my home church, I got a new glass container to heat my water in, and changed project groups in Religion.
However, things haven't really looked up. I'm going to be entirely honest and transparent with you right now, because this week has really opened my eyes to a lot of things I never noticed before and has brought about new challenges and hurdles. 

Ever since I've gotten to school and made friends and been so busy with them, I've really let my relationship with God fall behind on my priority list. There is no excuse for this. I know this is part of the reason that I am so easily irritated and frustrated by the things that have been going on lately. Little things happen and instead of running to my Father for comfort, I turn other places and look for answers myself. It's so easy to just say, "Oh, well, I'll read my Bible later. I need to work on this instead," or to put off spending time with Him during the day because I'd rather sit with my friends or get on Facebook. This is NOT okay, and I'm about to kick myself in the butt and take action. 
This week, I've also realized that I have a lot of things in my life that hold me back or warp my vision, and there were things I had never really considered a problem before or even realized where going on. Everything from world views to thought processes I've subconsciously had suddenly became really clear to me and I saw how much of a problem they were. I know that is vague, but it was almost overwhelming to realize this was happening. It's like all of the sudden my vision has been cleared and I see the world in a whole new light. 
Lastly, there has just been a lot of frustrating crap going on in our building. Between hitting brick walls every where I turn with my room situation and dealing with the fabulous maturity of college freshman (Are you familiar with the term grenade? If not, our trusty and always classy friend Urban Dictionary will tell you that it means "A group of ugly, fat, pale, repulsive, and/or slovenly females. The term "grenade" was coined by The Situation The Jersey Shore, on MTV's infamous show," Apparently my friends and I are now given this title. Lovely, right?) things have just been incredibly frustrating. 
So, it's time to refocus. It's time to put my focus back on God and getting back where I need to be with Him. Most days I completely forget about Thailand, which is not a good sign. It's time to get back with Him and back to where I was and beyond. I need to stop stressing over my schedule for next semester or what anyone thinks about me, because I have a wonderful, strong group of girls behind me that I am blessed enough to call my friends. 


It's time to really embrace the phase I'm in right now and start not only see the beautiful parts of life but searching for God's voice in my daily routine and seeking to be with Him more often, because in Him I find the peace I need to not only survive, but to thrive. 

Code Red Intake: 8
Days Until Thailand: 210